Listening to Lift You Up

“Just because I am looking at you when you talk, don’t think I am listening or even interested.” -Muriel Donnelly (Maggie Smith) in the Second-Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

No one delivers a line to put you in your place like the formidable Dame Maggie. And don’t we often feel like we don’t have the energy or time to really listen? We believe multitasking and relying on previous knowledge is much more efficient to move things along quickly. Listening can be a game-changing skill because, often, people can’t be bothered.

I remember working with a senior executive who was always so sure he was right after giving an overview of the problem; he would throw out the solution and ask for feedback. Initially, the team would attempt to share their thoughts, and he dismissed them out of hand. So, the team felt it impossible to add value. The group no longer gave him feedback and told him he was right. So, what happened as a result of not listening?

• Less engagement from the team
• A loss of expertise and ideas from people closer to the problem
• Poorer and less creative solutions
• More turnover

There is an actual cost to not listening.

Often, for outside counsel, not listening can lead to a loss of business. I have seen clients lose RFPs and pitches by not listening to what the client was saying because they thought they knew best. Or not getting in the door because when meeting potential targets, they were too busy giving their “elevator speech” to listen to the target’s needs, so they emphasized the wrong things in the pitch.

Here are three tips to become a more active listener:

Tip 1 - Stop Multitasking

Your time is limited, but the listening investment will pay off. There are several outside lawyers who I never hired or stopped using when it was clear that they were multitasking.

Why?

The outside lawyers signaled to me that I was not worth their time. They had more important things to do than listen to me (and I am sure they charged me even for their distracted time). It wasted my and the company’s time because I had to repeat what I was saying and ask for or revise heavy work products that did not reflect my needs.

Similarly, I have also seen inside counsel do the same thing to clients. Many lawyers have a bad enough rap and must be seen as adding value to the business.

Listening also matters to your team and other stakeholders. I had a peer tell me once that when she came in to discuss something, I reflectively turned my computer screen away and moved my phone so I would not be distracted. She told me that at that moment, she felt important and valued.

Tip 2 - Stop Talking

When you are talking, you are not listening and learning. Some lawyers feel they need to be confidentially speaking and opining on everything to “own the room.” Quiet confidence and power can be much more effective. Confident people are happy to share the space to get the information to move forward efficiently.

It also means to make sure that everyone who can value speaks. Naturally, introverted people who may be more hesitant to speak have unique ideas and views. More junior people may think twice before contributing to a conversation, and you want them to because they can be closer to the issue. Make sure that you hear from them. You only get a diversity of thought when you have created an inclusive environment where people want to share.

BIG HINT: Not hogging the conversation does not mean you are a potted plant. You need to speak and add value – not overshadow everyone else and their ideas.

Tip 3 - Actively Listen

Actively listening leads to fewer mishaps and better results. So, how do you actively listen?

You focus on what the person is saying and ask relevant open-ended questions to confirm questions to make sure that you are on the same page. I can’t tell you how many clients have said to me that doing this has made projects smoother and improved client relationships.

You also want to listen to body language and what people are not saying. Don’t assume the sky is the limit if no one raises a budget. Ask. Or, if someone seems hesitant or unsure about the project, ask for clarity.

As the real Maggie Smith (not a character) says, “Give the present the gift of your full attention.”

And by doing so, you can be more effective and stand out from others.

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Want more insights?

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